City of Winters Planning Brothel in Gateway Area

In a move being watched by cities and counties around the state, the City of Winters (Yolo County) is planning to add a brothel to its Gateway area, adjacent to Highway 505.  It is an urgent attempt to inject some life into a rapidly-deflating economy.

The brothel will be called Tigers & Tigresses, “T & T” for short.  In an odd twist, non-discrimination laws dictate that the brothel cater to both men and women, thereby giving the establishment its very unique name.  Rumors that “Jack-in-the-Box” was briefly considered appear to be unfounded.

Also, in what is hoped to be a shrewd business move, Tigers & Tigresses will also cater to gays and lesbians- although some doubt the wisdom of the latter in light of the recent departure of the Sacramento Monarchs.

The brothel will also fill a void left by the recent removal of an old diversion dam/recreation site, known by locally some as “Little Rock”.

T & T will have 25 rooms, including some very special “theme” rooms designed to attract visitors to this small, rural town.  Inside, visitors can choose from “The Hell’s Angel Garage”, “The Drug Addict’s Den”, or “The New Little Rock”.  The latter will have a concrete bed, Open-Condom-Wrapper Wallpaper, and candles that smell like stagnant water when burning.

In what is sure to create some very awkward moments in local grocery aisles, the owners of Tigers & Tigresses intend to use local residents to fill at least 80% of the 100 job slots.

The City is currently extending sewer and water services to the area, and as we took a tour, workers were busily laying pipe all around us.

The City Manager, Don Johnlevy- no relation to actor Don Johnson- explains that the rather unorthodox move came about after many local citizens objected to a planned Dairy Queen in the same location, and other fast food restaurants and gas stations in the Gateway area.

“A small, but vocal, group of people was outraged that people driving to and from Winters would have to endure the outrage of passing fast food outlets and gas stations,” he explained, adding that “They feel much better about a brothel!”

“When you think about it, these are the ultimate in Green jobs!  We are very excited about the entire project.  Energy Star Construction, local hiring, and our very first round-the-clock business!”, he went on.

City leaders expect the new business to swell their coffers considerably.  Vice-Mayor Richard “Dick” Goodnight said that, “While our Transient Occupancy Tax (TOT) is the lowest in the state, ours is charged by the hour.”

He went on to say that the group that was concerned about the appearance of the Winters Gateway seems to be “very, very satisfied with the building’s design and appearance.”

Not everybody in the community is thrilled, though.

Almost universally, the students at Winters High School told us they had been looking forward to having fast foods options both close by and open late.  Now it seems that it is just the Senior class that is walking around with smiles on their faces.

One of the local legends, Oscar Meyer echoed their feeling of disappointment.  “I really was hoping for a Der Weinerschnitzel,” he said, “so that I could get a nice Polish Sausage in the middle of the night.”

When asked what else might be looming in Winters’ future, Johnlevy said that there seems to be some momentum developing to build a coal-fired power plant on the north edge of town.

Tigers & Tigresses will be just the second Red Light area in Winters.